Paul Phillips

some of my friends (and company I have invested in)

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...which never crossed my mind, but thanks for spinning it like I'm trying to trick you. Sorry for running this big scam, everybody. Time to hang it up, he's onto me.

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Hey, maybe you can check something for me. I took a class where my trainers said people prefer that you not face them directly when talking to them. Instead, they are more comfortable if you keep your shoulders angled.

However, I've been finding a lot of technical people and science fiction fans seem to prefer standing squarely facing each other. Could you take a look around and see what sort of body language is going on at camp?

Thanks,
Anna

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I'm back with a full report. We all stared at our shoelaces and mumbled incoherently. Is that not what "normal" people do?

In seriousness, if "technical people and science fiction fans" is code for "socially awkward people" (not that this is way off base in broad strokes) then I would suggest the root of the perceived difference is more that the "science fiction fans" are less adept at responding to social cues and thus more likely to violate personal space.

Facing someone directly commits your full attention to what they're saying. The "science fiction fans" are both more likely to offer this kind of attention, and less likely to receive it (willingly) from others, than the normals.

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Thanks for the report!

Seriously, if anything, I intended not to use code. Soon after going to that training, I attended a dinner for volunteers at the X-Prize Cup, and then a science fiction convention. Yup, I was at both these events because I belong in the group of "science fiction fans and technical people".

Not only did I see the science fiction fans and technical people facing each other directly, I felt more comfortable with the people who used that body language. And the people who did it seemed to feel more comfortable with other people who did it, too.

So I am not completely convinced that it's a matter of not picking up cues -- it may be a matter of having different cues in different social groups. Fans, especially, make their own groups in a clannish/tribal fashion. Could be a chicken/egg thing -- people with less sensitivity to social cues being predisposed to join groups where that kind of non-verbal communication is less important, and then feeling better because they don't get "I'm uncomfortable" signals from the people following the other protocol.

I don't know. I'm looking for more data.

Anna

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I noticed you've made a few posts recently suggesting your social interactions could use some tuning. Have you ever considered studying this? I've recently become interested in trying to improve my social persona, and it has been one of the most rewarding exercises I can remember. There's plenty of literature on these subjects (much of it is aimed at men trying to get better with women), but nothing beats practice. Simply paying attention to the way people interact with one another puts you quite ahead of the curve. You might think it isn't something that needs attention, but being more genuine, meeting new people, and strengthening old friendships is something I think everyone could gain from.

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I have said that, but I'm largely being facetious - your interpretation is not the way I mean it. I agree that it's a very useful thing to do, but I went through that process in a big way a while back. Now my only issue with social interaction is that there aren't that many people with whom I want to interact - not that people aren't by and large wonderful, but at present I only want to talk about highly technical things with highly technical people.

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Did you find the ranch worth it? And which one did you go to? I'm wistfully thinking about going to a class in Frankfurt, but I suspect I wouldn't keep my mind entirely focussed on the task at hand if I do. :)

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It's a great class, I highly recommend it. I'll try to give it a top level post sometime soon.

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